I swallowed

I just had a scrumdelyicious lunch at a place here in Roswell called The Swallow in the Hollow.

Grilled Portabello mushrooms with melted Gouda and Fried Green Tomato slices on Texas Toast, with a side of mac n’ cheese and brunswick stew.

All I can say is, I’m glad I wore my Big Pants today.

A Somewhat Literary Lunch

On my way to lunch today, I, for no reason whatsoever, became obsessed with whether it was 1984 or Brave New World that had the lottery as an opiate of the masses.

I asked my lunch companions, and they were pretty much split down the middle, as no one had read either in many years. One of my companions, a 6’4″ or 6’5″ programmer with long hippy hair was pretty sure it was Brave New World, because he had been in a staged reading of 1984 as the Voice of the Screen, and he didn’t remember any mention of a lottery.

So, literate types, which was it?

Accomplishment

I have brought food to my late-working wife and hungry mancub.

I have fed the cat.

I have watched a sign language video with the mancub, again.

I have helped an eager mancub brush his teeth.

I have washed the reluctant and screaming mancub.

I have read the tearful mancub numerous books.

I have put the sleepy mancub to bed.

I have remembered to transfer the loads and run the dryer, as I was asked.

I have paid the bills.

I have converted all three computers I am intimately involved with from Internet Explorer to Mozilla Firefox, with anti-adware add-ons.

I have converted and consolidated all of my AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger programs over to Trillian freeware.

I have made two entries and some snarky comments on LiveJournal.

What more, really, is there to do in life?

Unexpected Desires

I expected that I would have a toddler who would throw tantrums because of denial of any of the following things: candy, snacks, soda, new toy, going home, staying here, staying up late.

I did not expect I would have a toddler that would throw a 15 minute tantrum because I made him stop brushing his teeth.

Mind you, he had been brushing them for 20 minutes. I think those teeth were clean, for goodness sakes.

My Pledge

Someday, when I have the time and resources I will go to the headquarters of each of the companies in the world that make Adware.

I will find the CEO of those companies.

I will stand in front of them with a little cardboard sign made to look like a dialog box. The dialog box will read:

“WE HAVE DETECTED THAT YOU NEED TO BE PUNCHED IN THE NOSE. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE NOSE? [YES] [NO]”

I will follow them around and pester them with my dialog box until they finally press one of the buttons.

No matter which button they choose, I will punch them in the nose.

Hard.

Again and again.

Until they are dead.

And then I will say to their lifeless bodies:

“Would you like to uninstall me? TOUGH SHIT.”

Some beans were had. Also: good cornbread.

So we ditched the mancub with Stacey’s unsuspecting coworker Sarah, and toddled off to see Mr. Lyle Lovett at Chastain last night. We parked in the Yellow Lot, and almost immediately realized we were Chastain Neophytes, because we had not brought a picnic dinner with us. However, armed with roughly $17,000 worth of concession stand hotdogs (2) and pretzel (1), plus two free thimble fulls of terrible wine from a nearby promotion booth, we settled back for a delightful concert.

The man can sing. Lordy, how he can sing.

Plus, he’s funny. He told us how he loved Atlanta and our big trucks all over the road; they made him feel safe. It’s those little cars that are the danger… they can get caught up under your bumper and wheel.

Hello. I’m the guy who sits next to you and reads your newspaper over your shoulder. Wait, don’t turn the page, I’m not through yet. Life… is so uncertain…

The first time I heard that song, I was in a painting class in college. The class had about 15 people, all set up, concentrating hard, painting away at something or other on easels. Here I Am came on, and I put down my brush after the first line. After the second verse about half the class had put down their brushes and were looking at each other with half-smiles on their face. By “cheeeeeseburger”, the entire class was laughing out loud. A lot of Lyle Lovett albums were sold that day.

…what Corn Flakes are to Post Toasties, what Hank Williams is to Lance Armstrong…

I also learned that I simply don’t have enough Lyle albums, because the ratio of Songs I Know to Songs I Didn’t Know was way too low.

The rain held off (I won’t even say the “R” word tonight), and he sang about his pony and his boat, and his beans and his good cornbread, and his little redneck woman. Francine did a song, and to be honest, I’m not sure that the majority of the audience didn’t come to see her. They were enthusiastic about Lyle, but they were nuts about Francine. Leeeave everything to me.

A good time had by all.

Improvolution

I had a workshop for my August Thursday Night Slot show last night. It went very well, with lots of enthusiasm from the folks that came.

The show is called Improvolution, inspired by The Blind Watchmaker and the essays of Stephen Jay Gould. I’m advancing the theory that if we allow an audience to weed out characters in a story they don’t like, we will end up with a story that is the fittest for it’s environment, which I hope means the most entertaining for the audience. So, the last show in August should be really, really good.

Alternatively, it could end up like the duck-billed platypus.

I’m also going to hold open notes after the show, where the audience can sit in and offer comments and criticisms. So if anyone wants to come and smack-talk us, feel free.

Adventures in Shopping

I was going out on a short jaunt down to the local Kroger to pick up some Alka-Seltzer Cold Plus (fizzy kind, not the gelcap) as recommended to me by , the Official Doctor of LiveJournalTM.

In the parking lot, a hispanic man with apparently limited English stopped me, held out a piece of paper and asked “you know where this?”

The page was a letter from Dekalb Family Services, and had an address at the top. Sam Avenue, or something like that. I had no idea where it was. I apologized and told him I wasn’t familiar with the street. He pointed to the part that said Dekalb Family Services and asked if I knew that building. I again had to say I was clueless.

I went into Kroger feeling really bad. I didn’t have a map of Atlanta with me, it’s in Stacey’s car. The gentleman looked somewhat distraught, and who knows how important it would be for him to find that building. I didn’t read the letter, but having to go to Family Services can’t be a good thing.

So much for building up good Kharma today.