Breakfast

RB: I’ll prove I’m more knowledgeable than you. What were the names of the people on the Lewis and Clark expedition, not including Sacagawea?
Scout: THOSE AREN’T EVEN REAL WORDS.

RB: What should I give up for Lent?
Me: I have decided both of you are giving up your parents for Lent. We’ll go to Maui, and you guys can take care of the house and get yourselves to school.
RB: I… don’t want that.
Scout: *I’m* okay with that.

Three Conversations in the Car Today, With Scout

I generally spend about 40 minutes a day in the car with Scout, driving back and forth to school. She pretty much talks non-stop the whole way, unless I can distract her with Pokemon music for a while. Today’s conversations, while not out of the ordinary, were somewhat easily excerpted.

On the phone with Stacey when the call gets dropped.
Me: Hello? Huh, your mom’s phone cut out.
Scout: She hung up on you.
Me: I don’t think–
Scout: She broke up with you.
Me: What?
Scout: Right now, she’s at home smashing up your wedding pictures.
Me: That’s–
Scout: She’s putting them back up with Xs on your face.
Me: That’s… really dark.
Scout: Yeah, I’m harsh.

Me: Mom’s car died, so we may need to go pick her up.
Scout: Mom’s car is DEAD?!
Me: Well, the battery is dead.
Scout: Ooo, this would make a good play. Okay, let’s do a play.
Me: A play?
Scout: Yeah, you do your line.
Me: Mom’s car died, so we may need to go pick her up.
Scout: (screaming) MOM’S CAR IS DEAD?! BURY IT!
Me: No, just her battery.
Scout: THE BATTERY IS DEAD! THE CAR IS DEAD! WE MUST BURY THE CAR!
Me: Um, we can fix it.
Scout: YOU CAN’T FIX A CAR! JUST LIKE PEOPLE! YOU CAN’T FIX PEOPLE!
Me: But a doctor can fix a person.
Scout: NOT IF THEY’RE DEAD!
Me: … Good point.
Scout: BURY THE CAR!
Me: That seems a little drastic.
Scout: I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT DRASTIC MEANS! BURY THE CAR!

Scout: Is there a heaven?
Me: We don’t really know. Some people believe so.
Scout: Why don’t we know?
Me: Because the only people who would go there are dead, and can’t talk.
Scout: (thinks) What if we pretend to die, and go to heaven, and then come back and tell everybody?
Me: How would you pretend to die?
Scout: You would just lie down, with your tongue sticking out.
Me: Well, you can try. Let me know how it goes.
Scout: (thinks) Actually, I don’t want to do that.
Me: Why?
Scout: Because what if I had my backpack on when I pretended to die, and took it to heaven, but accidentally left it there?
Me: I guess that would be a problem.
Scout: My Pokemon are in the backpack, and I don’t want to lose them, so I’m not going to heaven.
Me: Fair enough.