Scout: Is Donna Summer a zombie now? Does she eat brains? Is she going to come and eat my brains?
Ryan: (to Stacey) I wanted to get a daughter with an off button, but *you* said it was too expensive.
Scout: For daddy’s birthday, let’s get him something from that guy who wrote “The Cat in the Hat.” You know…the time traveler guy.
Too many Doctors to keep track.
Today, Scout was climbing on Stacey’s car.
Stacey: Do you think you’re in a rock ‘n roll video?
Scout: Your car isn’t cool enough to be in a rock ‘n roll video.
Wed is talent show day in Mr. K’s class.
RocketBoy: I think I’ll do an improv act. Mr. K can help.
Ryan: Is Mr. K a trained improviser?
RB: He’s a teacher. He improvises just to get through the day!
Stacey: An expression I never said at 9-years-old: When in doubt, google it out!
Scout: Put on Joan Jett’s School Days.
Rocketboy: Uhg! Why do we have to listen to this song?
Scout: I like School Days….even if it’s not as good as Cherry Bomb.
Stacey: Listening to Rocketboy make “zombie sucking your brains out” noises while doing his math homework. Boy knows how to multi-task.
Stacey: If I’ve accomplished nothing else during my career as an arts administrator, I take satisfaction in knowing that I’ve taught my grasshoppers to always pack extra undergarments on gala day. #soggybenefits
Stacey: When my kids play the staring contest game, they call it Weeping Angels.
Me: Scout is growing her hair for kindergarten.
RB: girls with long hair get the boys.
Me: Do you care about getting boys?
Scout: I already got all the boys in pre-K so it’s time for me to move up a level.
Stacey: I thanked Scout for our marathon day of Chinese School Field Day, Inman Park Fest & dinner at Doc Chey’s. She said, “I need to thank you. You’re the one who planned it.” #ihavethebestestkids
Me: So, would you like to see Joan Jett in concert?
Scout: I would LOVE to see Joan Jett in concert! I love her songs so much! (pause) But it will never happen because she’s so old.
Scout: I bet taking care of two kids is a little easier than taking care of an entire farm. #randomthoughtoftheday
Stacey: Do you want to go to Shakespeare’s Birthday or the multi-cultural fair?
Scout: I’ll go to the fair. But, I’ll make a birthday card for Shakespeare. He’ll be very sad that I didn’t make it this year.
Stacey: Recently, Rocketboy and his friends have started solo-roaming the neighborhood on bikes/scooters. They’ll burst into the house, eating and drinking everything in site, and then head out again leaving a path of destruction behind them. I think, “This is my future.” Then I realize, “No, this is actually my present.” It sort of freaks me out.
Scout: So, I’ve thought about it and I don’t want to get a job in The Hunger Games.
Scout: Darn it!
Me: What’s wrong?
S: I’m trying to get the dog to eat my homework and he won’t do it!
The first thing Rocketboy said after a week away: “So, how are The Hunger Games going for you?”
Me (looking for my phone): Rocketboy had it. I took it away from him before he accidentally called someone.
Scout: When I play with your phone, I like to accidentally call [Stacey’s former boss] Richard Garner.
(On the deck, grilling dinner. Rocketboy comes out)
RB: Dad, you may be asking yourself, “what are ‘extra levels’ in Skylanders”?
Me: I might, but what’s more likely is that *you* are asking *yourself*, “Why am I out on the deck in my underwear?”
RB: Oh… yeah.
Me: Hey, Rocketboy, tell your sister I picked up some doughnuts.
RB: Hey Scout! We’ve got doughnuts! And they’re FILLED WITH SUGAR!!
Me: My son doesn’t believe me when I tell him Susan B. Anthony and Lyndon B. Johnson’s middle names were Beatrice, except they didn’t like Beatrice, they just liked B and that’s all. It’s like he *wants* to fail the CRCT.
Scout is drawing.
Me: Who is that in the tree?
me: What am I doing in a tree?
scout: Spying on mommy.
Scout: To see if she’s not going to work. (thinks) I should draw her a map to work, so you don’t bust her.
(in the car)
Scout: Are you going to eat your bag of M&Ms?
Scout: Then I won’t either.
RocketBoy: You should make your own decisions, Scout. Eat them if you want.
Scout: But I need you to eat yours first.
Scout: Because if I eat mine, and I see you still have yours, I will be hungry.
RocketBoy: Fine, I’ll eat mine.
Scout: Me, too, then.
RocketBoy: Okay, I’m done.
Scout: HA! I STILL GOT MINE, ‘CAUSE I DON’T EAT AT STOPLIGHTS!
While playing “store” –
Scout: “I’ll pay with my credit card.”
Ryan J. Lucas: “How will you pay for your credit card bill?”
Scout: “A credit. card. bill.?”
Scout: OK, this isn’t a credit card anymore. It’s a gift card.
RB: I’ll prove I’m more knowledgeable than you. What were the names of the people on the Lewis and Clark expedition, not including Sacagawea?
Scout: THOSE AREN’T EVEN REAL WORDS.