When I was buying these pants I’m wearing for the New Job, the salesman kept going on and on about how they were fluid resistant.

“It just beads up! Rolls right off!”

I nodded and smiled and tried to look impressed, but all the time I thought, okay already, just ring me up. I honestly don’t care about the pants advanced features. I resent having to wear them, because they are not jeans. But the new job is not jeans-friendly, so here I am.

But you know… it really does bead up. There should be a fairly substantial fluid stain in my lap area right now from this Coke I’ve just spilled, but it’s as dry as a bone. Wiped right off.

Huh. How do I get my jeans to do that?