I generally spend about 40 minutes a day in the car with Scout, driving back and forth to school. She pretty much talks non-stop the whole way, unless I can distract her with Pokemon music for a while. Today’s conversations, while not out of the ordinary, were somewhat easily excerpted.
—
On the phone with Stacey when the call gets dropped.
Me: Hello? Huh, your mom’s phone cut out.
Scout: She hung up on you.
Me: I don’t think–
Scout: She broke up with you.
Me: What?
Scout: Right now, she’s at home smashing up your wedding pictures.
Me: That’s–
Scout: She’s putting them back up with Xs on your face.
Me: That’s… really dark.
Scout: Yeah, I’m harsh.
—
Me: Mom’s car died, so we may need to go pick her up.
Scout: Mom’s car is DEAD?!
Me: Well, the battery is dead.
Scout: Ooo, this would make a good play. Okay, let’s do a play.
Me: A play?
Scout: Yeah, you do your line.
Me: Mom’s car died, so we may need to go pick her up.
Scout: (screaming) MOM’S CAR IS DEAD?! BURY IT!
Me: No, just her battery.
Scout: THE BATTERY IS DEAD! THE CAR IS DEAD! WE MUST BURY THE CAR!
Me: Um, we can fix it.
Scout: YOU CAN’T FIX A CAR! JUST LIKE PEOPLE! YOU CAN’T FIX PEOPLE!
Me: But a doctor can fix a person.
Scout: NOT IF THEY’RE DEAD!
Me: … Good point.
Scout: BURY THE CAR!
Me: That seems a little drastic.
Scout: I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT DRASTIC MEANS! BURY THE CAR!
—
Scout: Is there a heaven?
Me: We don’t really know. Some people believe so.
Scout: Why don’t we know?
Me: Because the only people who would go there are dead, and can’t talk.
Scout: (thinks) What if we pretend to die, and go to heaven, and then come back and tell everybody?
Me: How would you pretend to die?
Scout: You would just lie down, with your tongue sticking out.
Me: Well, you can try. Let me know how it goes.
Scout: (thinks) Actually, I don’t want to do that.
Me: Why?
Scout: Because what if I had my backpack on when I pretended to die, and took it to heaven, but accidentally left it there?
Me: I guess that would be a problem.
Scout: My Pokemon are in the backpack, and I don’t want to lose them, so I’m not going to heaven.
Me: Fair enough.