Every once in a while, I like to head over to the emergency room and check out the chairs there for a while. You really need to sit in them for a long time to be sure, say, 5 or 6 hours, because you never know if they just seem comfy at first. They can fool you like that, those chairs. Also, it’s best if you go in at midnight. Because you’re going to want to see whether you can sleep in them, otherwise you’re not really testing the limits of those chairs’ ability to provide comfort.

I needed an excuse, so the other night after midnight I told that parts of my arms and back had suddenly gone tingly and/or numb after I’d gone to bed. You know, let her draw the “possible heart attack/stroke” conclusions on her own, so she wouldn’t figure out I was setting her up.

Then, I had to act concerned but, you know, not too concerned so she’d guess I was acting.

We gathered up the kids and headed out to Piedmont where we have a thorough familiarity with the chairs, and checked them out. I made sure there would be a long wait to see a doctor, and then released Stacey and the kids to go home so I could really settle into my chair review without distraction.

Five hours later, I reluctantly had to cease my examination to go sit in one of the medical examination rooms, where, sadly, there are no chairs of interest. So I took a nap on an appallingly comfortable bed until a doctor came in. He confirmed what a nurse had said earlier, a pinched nerve or something probably caused by sleeping in an easy chair with a baby. He had some x-rays taken, then gave me prescriptions for muscle relaxers and codeine-laced pain medication.

Reluctantly, with a wistful look backwards at the waiting room chairs, I called a cab and headed home for an hour nap before work.

Last night, I took the muscle relaxer before bed and discovered this new possibility for nighttime activity which is to go to sleep and then not wake up until morning. It’s radical, it’s revolutionary, and I can’t wait to tell my son about it. I’m sure he’ll be interested in trying it out, too.

…I’ll be here in my cube… blowing my nose… constantly.