1. My first career aspiration,when but a wee lad, was to be a stuntman, largely due to the movie Hooper. It is the only dream my mother ever openly opposed.

2. In 8th grade, I won a national programming award from Apple Computers for an animated program of a dragon that would perform tricks on command, such as eat hamburgers or smoke a cigar.

3. I would probably be a much better programmer today had I not discovered Girls shortly thereafter.

4. I once got a sled-riding accident gash on my head so gross that a housekeeper screamed uncontrollably upon seeing me. I still have the scar, though it is invisible, hidden by my right eyebrow.

5. I have never broken a bone.

6. I held (and may still hold) the Fairfield Senior High School Pull-Up record (37 pullups). Being a scrawny, skinny lad, no one saw it coming.

7. My middle name is Jay and my brother’s middle name is Ray, and my father thought that would be funny.

8. I used to have a rule where I would not spend more than $1500 on a car. Inflation has gotten the better of me as of late, though.

9. I have a mind like a sieve, and there appears to be no rhyme or reason to what things I do remember.

10. In 8th grade, I got lost alone in Mexico City for about 45 minutes, and a shoeshine boy bilked me for what I later found out was the equivalent of $40.

11. I knew absolutely no one in the entire state of Georgia when I moved here on August 28, 1996.

12. Up until I bought some swank walking boots a few years ago, I had exclusively worn white ReeBok Club C shoes with one red shoelace and one blue shoelace since sophomore of high school.

13. I like percentages.

14. I have had a son for 4.2% of my life.

15. I have been married for 12.8% of my life.

16. I have been an engineer for 33.1% of my life.

17. I have been an improvisor for 51.5% of my life.

18. One summer I disassembled a department store with a man named Pat who told me that “in the mountains, sometimes it’s hot, but sometimes it’s cold.” And I’m sure he meant it.

19. For most of my life, I thought my grandfather was extremely dumb, because when I was young he had told me he thought he lived in a grain silo after I patiently explained that he lived in a house. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I reassessed the reason I thought he was stupid and realized he had just been teasing a young child. Early impressions are so important.

20. I have never taken any sort of illegal or recreational drug.

21. I am a staunch supporter of the legalization of all drugs.

22. A couple years ago I researched my ancestors and debunked my father’s belief that his great grandmother had been French.

23. Ryan Lucas means, in those name dictionaries, Little King of Light, which gave me no small ego as a child.

24. I once woke up after a sleepover in junior high, opened up the fridge, and watched as a flap on a Coke carton opened and shot two grapes at me.

25. I can waterski very, very well.

26. Various nicknames I have had in life: Arj, RJ, Snoopy, Scoop, The Blond One, Rest Home Ryan, The Hacker, Dinoczar and Boo-Yacht.

27. I absolutely hate shipping anything, and I have an irrational fear of UPS and Fedex forms.

28. I find the idea of strippers depressing, but the idea of prostitutes comforting, and I have no idea why. With the exception of the Clairemont Lounge, I have been to see neither.

29. Briefs, Boxers, and Boxer-briefs. To everything there is a season.

30. I buy 20 pairs of the same style sock at a time, so that I don’t diddle-dally around trying to find a match.

31. I have never cheated on homework or an exam.

32. I took the LSAT for fun once, though I have no intention of ever going to law school.

33. I have lived in four different states: Ohio, Illinois, Louisianna and Georgia.

34. I never memorized my multiplication tables.

35. I have broken up with 2 people.

36. I have been dumped by 2 people.

37. 3 relationships just fizzled out without any formal ending.

38. The fire alarm once went off in junior high while I was dressed as a woman for a class skit.

39. I worked as an extra on the set of The Babe with John Goodman, but I never bothered to watch the film.

40. A friend of mine once drove 14 hours to visit me because he claimed a horse named Popeye told him to.

41. As I was driving in downtown Fairfield, Ohio one evening, I unexpectedly saw my father standing at the side of the road. I pulled into a parking lot near him, got out, asked him what he was doing. He answered “waiting for the chicken.” I nodded, got back in my car and drove home.

42. I did not know Ronald Reagan had been shot until I saw the musical Assassins a few years ago.

43. I can make a pretty good stirfry if I put my mind to it.

44. I am 5 foot 11 and three quarter inches. I never grew that last quarter inch, and it bugs me.

45. I can draw and juggle reasonably well, though not at the same time.

46. My favorite comic strip is Doonesbury.

47. Virtually every woman I have dated initially thought I was gay.

48. People tell me I make a weird sound at the end of sentences when I’m nervous, but I’ve never heard it and they can’t imitate it.

49. I do not like talking on the phone.

50. I am very sleepy right now.