Last Week in Scandal!
Episode 4: Homeland Insecurity
Synopsis by Erich Mees

Starring

George Faughnan as Eric von Landingham
Z Gillispie as Rory Manchester
Matt Horgan as Poncey Highland
Amber Nash as Dorothy
Tim Stoltenberg as Lance Belligui
Lucky Yates as Miller
with special guest stars
Eugene Cordero as Chip Blingo
Sean Daniels as Agent John Denver
and a surprise appearance by Chris Blair as the Nuge
with Ryan Lucas as The Voice

After the murder of Chrysanthemum Kennedy, the investigation was being
incorporated into the show. Cameraman Lance Belligui introduced the
housemates to Homeland Security Agent John Denver (no relation). Denver
assured everybody that, before the end of the night, he would find the
killer…or at least someone he could claim was the killer.

Denver began by questioning Poncey Highland while Poncey showed him around
Chrysanthemum’s room. Poncey was convinced that it was a hate crime, since
she’d been killed moments after declaring her love for Dorothy. Poncey
suspected Eric von Landingham, since he’d noticed some unstable behavior
from Eric ever since their liaison two weeks ago.

At the bar, Dorothy was still reeling from the shock of her new best
friend dying in her arms. Eric suggested that she forget her sorrows by
coming to see his band “Fucked at Birth” at their upcoming gig.

Miller was getting high up on the roof when Lance came up for some fresh
air. Lance noticed the unusual pipe Miller was smoking from, and asked to
try it. As Lance smoked, Miller picked up Lance’s camera and asked him
what he really thought about everyone at the Scandal house. His
inhibitions lost, Lance called them all assholes.

Rory Manchester was relaxing when boy-band star Chip Blingo came by. Chip
explained that he had been thrown out of his own neighboring reality show,
and needed another chance to prove himself. Rory said that Chip’s vocal
talents (and self-generating background music) were just what he needed to
cheer up, since a woman he cared for had just died of a spontaneous
neck-break. (Rory neglected to mention that he was the one who
“spontaneously” broke it.)

Agent Denver was interviewing Dorothy by the garbage cans. She was certain
that Rory was the killer, and suggested that they give him a taste of some
street justice by cutting off his feet and wrapping him in seaweed.
(“He’ll tell you everything…and then bleed to death.”)

While grocery shopping, Poncey confronted Eric about his strange behavior.
Eric confessed that he did have a guilty conscience…not over murder, but
because he’d never told his mother than he loved her. Poncey comforted him
by offering to role-play Eric’s mother. Eric asked Poncey to pull on his
nipples to make the impersonation more convincing.

Chip Blingo was moving in when Miller entered. Recognizing Chip (after
initially mistaking him for a troll doll), Miller proclaimed that he’d
sold more weed at Chip’s last concert than in the rest of the year
combined.

Rory was doing the show’s confession-booth segment when he noticed that
Lance was trying to film him with a bong instead of a camera. The wasted
Lance gloated that he knew Rory had killed Chrysanthemum, and he had the
proof on film. Where Rory asked where this proof was, Lance realized that
Miller had it now. Rory insinuated that Lance was making unfounded
accusations to draw suspicion away from himself. Before long, Lance was
convinced of his own guilt.

Chip was relaxing in the hot tub when Dorothy came by. Recognizing Chip,
she began singing one of his songs. Chip told Dorothy that his last
reality show was filled with ruthless competition, and he was amazed by
how friendly everyone was here. Dorothy agreed that it was great, except
for people getting murdered.

Miller was filming Poncey in the kitchen, childishly trying to goad Poncey
into making a “tossed salad” reference. When Poncey noticed that Miller
had Lance’s camera, Miller explained that he’d gotten hold of it while
Lance was hitting the bong. (“He thought it was tobacco product, like they
make you say when you buy it.”) Now that he had the camera and access to
the editing room, Miller suggested that they give the footage some
tweaking.

After drummer Eric von Landingham gave his bandmates a pep talk, “Fucked
at Birth” began their hard-rockin’ concert.

Even down in the basement, Agent Denver and Lance were stunned by the
loudness and rage of the music. Denver confided that he had found three
particularly suspicious characters in his investigation. (“Rory may be a
killer, Poncey may be gay, and Chip may be ethnic.”) Denver said that he
might have to resort to extreme interrogation tactics. Lance offered to
get the seaweed.

Rory went to the Hello Pizza Kitty to see Miller about Lance’s film. He
convinced Miller that he was in trouble for editing the tapes, and
persuaded him to hand over the camera.

Dorothy was hanging out her laundry on the roof when Poncey came by to
voice his concerns about the investigation. After hearing Eric’s angry,
death-obsessed music, he was more convinced than ever that Eric was the
killer. Dorothy deduced that Poncey was just upset because Eric had
rejected him after their initial make-out session.

Eric was in the bar when Agent Denver entered, looking for Chip Blingo.
Disdainful of authority, Eric refused to cooperate. Denver warned him that
he could put away Eric and his entire band. (“Let me explain how Homeland
Security works. You’re ALREADY in trouble.”) Eric caved in and directed
Denver to Chip’s room.

Two seconds later, Denver broke down the door to Chip’s room. After Denver
ordered him to get down on the floor, Chip retorted that no matter how
Denver hurts him, it would only make his music stronger. Denver responded
by cutting off Chip’s feet.

Rory called everyone (even the footless Chip) together to announce the
solution to Chrysanthemum’s murder. Explaining that the key to the mystery
was the fact that all the different reality shows are filmed in this same
neighborhood, Rory began the slow-motion playback of the (secretly edited)
video footage. The footage showed Chip Blingo and Ted Nugent running in,
singing a Satanic song while dancing around Chrysanthemum, and snapping
her neck to seal the pact…all too fast for the human eye to see. Denver
took the mortally-wounded Chip into custody. Now that the murder of
Chrysanthemum Kennedy was solved, Agent Denver set out to solve the rest
of the Kennedy murders. Rory saved time by revealing them all: John F.
Kennedy was killed by Ving Rhames, Bobby by Yahoo Serious, and Ted Kennedy
will be killed by Agent Denver himself. With this revelation, Rory snapped
Denver’s neck. Dorothy, shocked by the carnage and craziness, began crying
hysterically, longing for her old home behind the dumpster at Wendy’s.

TO BE CONTINUED…