So, yesterday, Rocketbro was out running errands and stopped by the do-it-yourself car wash.
When he got home, the outside of his car was so nice, he decided to do the inside… vacuuming and 409ing and so forth.
He was on such a roll, that he then proceeded to vacuum out Stacey’s car, thus destroying a local tourist attraction1.
Crazed and delusional to the point of losing his sense of self preservation, he went on to spit-shine the inside of my car.
Inside, his diligence guilted or inspired (hard to tell which)
All of which to say is I <3 my brother, and I'm considering somehow trashing his credit so he can't afford to buy a house and move out.
1 Atlanta’s Largest Collection of Dropped Goldfish Crackers.
2 Hey, I was sick. This was a big contribution for me.
Plainly your brother is a dangerous influence and needs to be run out of town on a rail.
I know!
I didn’t even mention the fact that he also put up the door knocker you got us for Xmas (We’re no longer the Hayges!), and that involved drilling, plus Rocketboy stole the screws for it. He was unstoppable!
Ask him if the dust in my house is bothering him in the least, and if the fact that I can’t reach the bowls that I need is wigging him out.
I’ll test the depth of his psychosis in that regard as soon as the opportunity presents itself.
I’m sure he would love to come over here when he gets bored. Lots of good projects of all sorts. Not to mention that we’re so convenient.
Promise him spinach dip and he’ll seriously consider it.
Would Rocketbro consider a national tour?
I doubt it; Life on the road is so lonely, and you never know who your real friends are.
His real friends will be the ones who don’t greet him with “…wait, where’s your toolbox?”
All smug, with your clean clothes, clean car, and organized pantry, eating your home-made chocolate heart, aren’t you?
Actually, next time he breaks into car-cleaning mode, give me a call so I can come park in your driveway. There’s a crisp new Lincoln in it for you.
A Lincoln Continental? Not my style, but I’ll take it!
I initially read “Rocketboy” instead of “Rocketbro” and was completely amazed.
Rocketboy would have vacuumed the grass.
Your brother is Hellen Buttigieg?
Perhaps he should be.
That name is an aesthetic horror. Don’t tell me how to pronounce it or I’ll probably dislike it even more.
Just forget the last “i” and you will be pretty close.
I’m trying to forget the whole name. Do you have contact information for her? I want to tell her I hate her.
There she is! I think she chewed a lot of gum as a child.
As long as you’re telling her that you hate her and not her name.
Telling someone you hate their name is rude.
No, it’s okay if they’re on TV. Go re-read the rules.
Right, I forgot your loophole. Silly me.