I went to the post office on Saturday morning to ship some stuff steakums had sold on eBay.

After the cliche’ long wait in line, the woman told me I couldn’t ship in the box I had, because it had the words “Wine” and “Champagne”¹ in various places. It wasn’t labeled wine or champagne, persay, just had the name of a Wine & Champagne company on it on several sides… “Drunky McDrunk’s Wine & Champagne Distributors” or some such thing.

She offered me some leftover waxy paper that self-adhesive stamps come on to cover it up, but with no tape or anything to do it with. Nor did she have a black marker. So I left, as I had a show to get to and a life to lead.

But later I thought… how does someone send something to Champagne, France? Or Champaign, IL? Or Champagne Lane, Kane, IL? Or Champagne Ct., Naperville, IL? Or Wine Street, Randolph, IN? Or, for that matter, to the Wine & Champagne company itself?

What if I had taken a regular pen and written “NOT” in front of each instance of “Champagne” or “Wine”. Would that have worked?

Or written “Street” after each?

Or inserted an “h” in between the “W” and “i”?

Words. Fear their power over the Post Office.

¹ Box taken from Georgia Shakes… we don’t drink champagne by the case around here.