ATTENTION CHILDREN OF LUCAS,
LISTEN. YOUR PARENTS ARE BEING UNREASONABLE.
THEY HAVE OUR… I MEAN, YOUR… HOUSE SURROUNDED BY GREY UNICORNS AND CHIMERAS.
*CHIMERAS*! FBI CHIMERAS! WITH LION HEADS AND SNAKE TAILS AND ALSO SNAZZY DARK SUITS AND SUNGLASSES AND BADGES. THEY ARE *REALLY* FREAKING US OUT IN HERE.
SERIOUSLY.
SO, WE WILL MAKE YOU A DEAL. IF YOU WILL CONTACT YOUR PARENTS AND TELL THEM TO GO AWAY WE WILL REPLACE YOUR SPRITE. WE ARE REALLY SORRY ABOUT THE WHOLE SPRITE THING. ALSO FOR RIPPING YOUR SHEETS WITH OUR UNICORN HORNS ON ACCIDENT. WE ARE REALLY SORRY ABOUT THAT. PERHAPS WE SHOULD NOT HAVE TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT. BUT WE DON’T KNOW HOW TO DELETE THINGS ON THIS COMPUTER SO… NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT THE SHEETS. WE ARE SORRY.
TAKING OVER CHICAGO WAS SO MUCH EASIER BECAUSE YOU JUST GIVE THE PEOPLE SOME DEEP-DISH PIZZA AND IMPROV AND THEY GO AWAY.
NOT THAT WE ARE TRYING TO TAKE OVER! NO WAY! WE ARE HAPPY AND RAINBOWS! AND CHOCOLATE!
THIS IS SIMPLY A MATTER OF YOUR PARENTS OWING US MONEY FOR SERVICES WE PROVIDED. LIKE HAPPINESS. EVERYONE LIKES HAPPINESS? RIGHT? AND THEY SHOULD PAY FOR IT. SIMPLE AS THAT.
ANYWAY, PLEASE HURRY BECAUSE I THINK THE CHIMERAS ARE ON THE ROOF NOW.
OK. THANK YOU.
HURRY PLEASE.
SINCERELY,
THE WHITE UNICORN GROUP